Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
two words: eviction party
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
