i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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