Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How's work?
Spinning.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
