i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
