if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
God, I missed his penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
