dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
did i just pee glitter
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
