your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
