well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
