I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
