I need help removing her.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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