garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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