if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
