First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
