farters have to be the big spoon...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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