Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
