Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
