I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize