there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
