even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
