Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
