You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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