And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
