after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
