Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
