i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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