my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
