I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
