so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
