she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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