I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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