Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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