I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
