A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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