Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
