I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
