Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry cuntpuncher hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

Lets date for the summer

(815): View more from Illinois

what?

(480): View more from Arizona

Dont love me in September.

Fav 8 2543 1081
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

Fav 7 1165 2157
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(504): View more from Louisiana

dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?

Fav 42 1478 2801
share tweet
(424): View more from California

I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed

Fav 9 5313 1483
share tweet
(601): View more from Mississippi

ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

yes

(601): View more from Mississippi

did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

Fav 13 5158 1185
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness

Fav 11 3668 1070
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(636): View more from Missouri

He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

(314): View more from Missouri

That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

Fav 34 7527 2359
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(614): View more from Ohio

you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.

Fav 1 239 373
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(253): View more from Washington

Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?

Fav 0 64 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT