this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
