she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
