A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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