This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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