Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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