she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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