If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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