barbara walters just said penis...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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