oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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