He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
