You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
