oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
