Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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