Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
