I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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