He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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