If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize