I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
