I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
