I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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