The maid of honor just puked.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
