Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
