conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
