too bad you live with your parents still
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need a beard to bite.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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