"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
