How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
