$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
