you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
