There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
