Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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