I think I won the penis lottery.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
