Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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