So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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