I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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