When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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